Is fear of failure stopping you from achieving your goals?
Whatever the goal we are often afraid to try for fear of embarrassment, rejection, the unknown and the possibility of it not going to plan or simply not succeeding.
One of the first times I truly felt like I had failed something was when I didn’t pass my Optometry exams on the first go, my boyfriend at the time (now husband) passed, and this bizarrely, made it all worse. What I saw then was not an opportunity to learn and to continue the fight to get my professional degree, but that someone else had succeeded in the same exams, and that I must really be a failure. It confirmed to me that I couldn’t be smart, or intelligent, or capable and at that point, I went into a spiral of despair.
This of course was mind chatter getting in the way of reality, the reality being maybe I needed extra revision, extra training, and an opportunity to grow, learn and develop even more before I retook my exams. My brain experienced embarrassment, pain, and rejection, and so the motivation to go and try again was limited. The brain is clever, and it will do everything it can to any feelings of pain, hence the lack of motivation. You have to really push fast and hard past this to move forward.
We get into bad habits; we set ourselves a goal, and instantly compare ourselves to those who have already achieved it. We always see an individuals end journey, the success, the smiles and the photos but if you look a little harder and dive a little deeper you will also see their frustrations, setbacks, tears, hard work and sleepless nights. If you are really going to compare yourself to others, then you have to compare the whole journey, not just the finish. However, my advice is don’t compare but learn and be inspired by the successes of these people, and only compare yourself to what you did yesterday. This is your journey and your story.
So many incredible people have embraced failure to get where they are; including Oprah Winfrey, Richard Branson, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. In fact, one of my favourite quotes is by Michael Jordan, he said:
‘I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed’.
Michael Jordan
We don’t just compare ourselves to Hollywood stars and billionaires; along the way I’ve compared myself to my partner, to friends and to colleagues. It’s different for everyone; it could be people on social media, successful friends and colleagues etc. The incredible thing is there is not a single person in the world like you, who acts, behaves or thinks like you. There may be similar, but they are not the same and that’s what makes you unique and incredible. You don’t need to compare against anyone else’s timelines and vision of success, create your own and you’ll find others soon admire you and your journey.
I am able to celebrate other people’s wins, or ask them for support and guidance instead of the green-eyed monster coming out or feeling inferior because the latter truly serves no purpose.
Since then like most journeys I have had my successes and ‘failures’. The blow of something going wrong has decreased, why? Because I embrace these failures and the things that don’t quite go to plan. I am a huge believer that every obstacle is a diversion to a better route.
I don’t expect instant success, if it happens, it’s a bonus and I’m grateful, but I also welcome the difficult parts. Every single failing is an opportunity for regrowth; whether that’s making new connections in search of support, learning new skills, becoming more resilient, developing a stronger mind set, or finding an even better route than originally intended.
Embracing failure can really transform your mind set and outlook on life. When something does go wrong it can really strengthen your purpose in why you were doing it in the first place. If the passion and drive is there you will continue to move forward, as they say: “if Plan A doesn’t work there are 25 other letters in the alphabet.” The experience, value and gratitude in achieving the end result will also mean that much more.
When you embrace failure instead of fearing it you are much more likely to step out of your comfort zone and strive for your goals. Thinking about your dreams won’t get you moving forward, but not fearing failure will definitely start step one of your journey. The key is to not take failure personally.
If you think about a) not ever achieving your goal or dream or b) achieving your goal with failures along the way, which scenario scares you the most?